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Rhune
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Commentary by Jeff Varner
« on: May 16^th, 2002, 6:35pm »

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SURVIVAL INSTINCT: Episode 11
By Jeff Varner, Special to ET Online
May 10, 2002

It's Mother's Day! What a fitting tribute to mom KATHY to have her very fortunate son PATRICK spend time with mom in Marquesas. Patrick clearly loves his mother and their relationship is an interesting one. It was neat to see her involve him in her strategy, though he didn't appear to help much. I think he was shell-shocked by the cameras. He had to be jet-lagged when he got there. He seemed a little tight with the interviews and you could see how aware of the cameras he was. What an experience for this guy to have! He is the only non-competitor to ever spend the night at a "Survivor" camp. That's a big distinction for him and great story leading us into Mother's Day.

Oh my heck, when NELEH's mom came running up that path, I thought I was watching a rerun of "Little House On The Prarie." I expected Laura Ingalls to come trotting out after her with a little wicker basket tied with bows and full of daffodils and lilies. My insulin level skyrocketed with all that sweetness -- too much emotion for me. I mean, I was raised to love and honor my mother, and, man, did I miss her when I was playing my game. But Maw Varner (though her last name's no longer Varner and I think she's happy about that) is a strange breed.

I could hear her cussin' me out from her High Point, N.C. living room last night as each one of those family members filed out from behind that bush. The loved ones in Marquesas, no doubt, made her realize how close she came (had I not been voted off) to having the same experience. It being Mother's Day and all, I thought about it. She would've sacrificed her first born (that being me) for the chance to terrify me on national TV.

I laugh when I say my old lady's a mess and a constant joker. She is always laughing and is cunning enough to play along with the best of them. She lives to humiliate me in public, and the more uncomfortable I am, the more pure the enjoyment she gets from it all. She would make SCARY-GOOD television, but had she peeked around a bush in the Outback, my tears of joy would've quickly been followed by fear and panic that she'd win something and come back to camp with me! ::GASP::

Don't get me wrong. I love my mama dearly. This "push of her buttons" is completely to honor her in a way only she will appreciate. She's a definite source of joy and fun for many people and ALL OF THEM, including her, will love her characterization here.
Unlike Kathy, my mom would have followed through on her thought of aligning with ROBERT. He's a great, down-to-earth guy with a voice suited for a cartoon character. He didn't lie to a single person. I'm not sure that's the case for any of those remaining. In fact, I spy a couple of people scheming and conniving behind their masks of righteousness.
As peeved as SEAN and VEE were at Neleh, it seemed a new foursome would easily come together. The fact it didn't transpire tells you more is going on we don't see. Early on in this column-writing experience I predicted Kathy to either end up in trouble down the road, or be sitting in a valuable swing position. Now that Robert is gone, there she sits, swinging away. She now is trapped between two power pairs. If she plays it right, it could be the trump card she needs to scoot right into the final round. The previews make her seem vulnerable. The situation seems something very different.

I was particularly taken with the philosophical references everyone had regarding their "Survivor" experience and how it is changing their lives. Being separated from everything familiar does change you. It is so true that you cherish the end pieces of the loaf of bread and you realize how petty and silly you can be over the stupidest things." Survivor" is a great teacher. Its lessons have been far greater than any high-priced college degree I could've obtained. Because of it, I am more aware, and more in touch with what's important in life like my infectiously jolly mama!

P.S. Happy Mother's Day, you twisted old broad, and to all the other mothers out there, twisted or not.

P.P.S. Congratulations, Vee, on your wedding to LEANDER. All my best to you both!

« Last Edit: May 24^th, 2002, 9:39am by Rhune »

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Rhune
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Commentary by Jeff Varner
« Reply #1 on: May 18^th, 2002, 5:47pm »

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SURVIVAL INSTINCT: Episode 12
By Jeff Varner, Special to ET Online
May 17, 2002

"What goes around comes around." It's a phrase we've all been weaned on. Many of us have experienced it first hand. Some of us have yet to be bitten by our own intentions. One thing is certain, however. Retribution will be paid Sunday night by one or more of our newly crowned final four members. And revenge will be sweet for Rotu's exiled alliance.

I'm not certain what was going through the minds of PASCHAL, NELEH, KATHY, SEAN and VEE when they decided to kick ROBERT off. They cast him out along with JOHN, TAMMY and ZOE, and they did so with scorn for forming an alliance against them. They spoke volumes about how this game would be played fairly, without alliances. The anti-alliance banded together (something most intelligent people would consider "forming an alliance") to make the foursome pay for their behavior. One by one their torches were extinquished, ridding the game of the scourge -- the unethical ones. Shame on them, right? Wrong!

The Rotu four formed their alliance to control who the winner would be. Now, although the winner will not be one of them, the control rests firmly on their banded-together shoulders. Their loyalty to their unit was clear as they paraded their all-black attire before the cameras and the desperate contestants. Was their message heard?

I think Kathy heard it. So much so that she used her immunity to play both sides against one another. Sean's desperation and anger enraged Paschal into one of the most, if not THE most, dramatic tribal council to date. With voices raised, breathing patterns quickened and tempers flared, the not-aligned Sean and anti-alliances Pappy attacked one another in a battle over who is aligned with whom and when they formed them. Pappy admitted his allegiance to Neleh and Sean, though he tried to dance around it, was clearly teamed with Vecepia. Kathy's smugness in instigating this exchange was classic.

If it wasn't clear before, it should be now. In this game, actions are like boomerangs. If you throw it out there, it will eventually come back to you. Immunity is so much more critical in this season's finale than in any other. Getting to that final two will be a challenge. Sitting there being grilled by the alliance they once scorned will be an excellent adventure in itself. Who should those four be leaning toward?
I think Pappy has done some damage in his fight to make a statement and stick to it. I recall the "chopping of the nuts" challenge. Prior, Paschal promised John he was on their team. He gave his Georgia-licensed word. He "pulled a Pappy" when Sean was able to convince him that the coconuts fell in the boot order -- a move Paschal believed and used as justification to kill off the alliance. Last night he plainly told Kathy he had never believed Vecepia and Sean. Wow! I love that this judge flips and flops more than a panicked, beached fish gasping in its last moments of life. John won't forget this. I don't think they'll pick him.

Neleh has annoyed everyone. I, frankly, have enjoyed that this season's "sweetheart" is a little vixen poised to slit the throat of anyone -- other than Pappy. I don't believe she is consciously being thoughtless and insensitive as she brags about how clean she smells and how the mint in her mouth tastes so wonderful that everyone should have a piece of it, slobber and all! I think she's just young. This adventure had to be particularly enriching for her, but I don't think her "ELISABETH FILARSKI"-esque strategy merits a million dollars. I'd say most agree. I don't think they'll pick her.

Vee is the righteous, non-drama queen who has laid very low throughout most of this game. Her characterization in the show has been full of religious references peppered with rational strategy and a "deceptive nature," according to the late, great General. Will her deceptiveness come back to haunt her? Robert and Tammy both voted for Vee while stating she was lazy and didn't contribute. I don't think she'll be winning any easy votes from the foursome either.

This game is all about Kathy. This woman is this Survivor's choice to end her hard-fought battle for acceptance with a million-dollar check in her hand. She transformed herself. She started out very brash and rough, barking orders and administering guilt for not matching her work ethic. The swap offered her an opportunity to change her image -- a chance she capitalized on beautifully. She named her merged tribe, peed on John's hand and has been an amazingly practical and neutral force throughout. She is clearly the player the "men in black" respect most.

John and Robert both have pointed out that the final tribal council would be an opportunity for them to pass judgment on those that have judged them. Now that they control the jury, revenge is theirs. If Kathy can hang on by kicking into her very comfortable role of master negotiator, or by winning immunity, she's the next millionaire. Whatever happens, I'll be there. Check back here Monday to hear all about it!

« Last Edit: May 24^th, 2002, 9:40am by Rhune »

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« Reply #2 on: May 24^th, 2002, 9:39am »

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SURVIVAL INSTINCT: Episode 13
By Jeff Varner, Special to ET Online
May 20, 2002

Coma! I've just woken up from my third one in the last three days. What a "Survivor" finale weekend this has been, full of people, parties and drama! And I ain't just talking about the three-hour finale. When Survivors get together, there seems to be a sense of release! It's an interesting life we live and only a handful understand it. Put that handful in the same room with an open bar and it's out of control.

There was sex! The energy among the groups was electric and, at times, scandalous. There are photos of women kissing women, men kissing men and BRANDON grabbing guys in places only he could appreciate. I got thrown out (for no reason, of course ) by a bouncer who eventually cornered a very popular female Survivor in a bathroom stall, demanding she show him her chest. The tabloids missed one heck of a show!

Then came the Marquesas final four! The first face I saw belonged to that snotty little NELEH who was anything but snotty. Once I escaped her embrace and got over how beautiful she was, I saw the entourage. One by one they filed into the club eager to meet those of us that came before them. Neleh, HUNTER, GINA, GABRIEL, ROBERT, ROB, KATHY, TAMMY, SEAN, ZOE, SARAH .. most were there. We "Survivor" veterans were like gnats in front a fluorescent lamp, all trying to get a piece of the new people. It was quite funny.

Gina radiated pure beauty and grace. Sean was one cool brother. It was Kathy who was the woman of the hour. It seemed everyone wanted to be near her, present company included. She radiates charisma. Gabriel was adorably charming, Tammy was quite sexy, Sarah was beautiful ("Thelma and Louise" are much smaller in person!), and Zoe was clueless. We talked for a few minutes, then she looked up at me with those "I-wanna-go-dance-on-a-bar-and-take-my-bra-off" eyes and said, "Who the hell are you?!" I fell in love with her instantly. It was a fantastic night I won't soon forget.

Actually being at the live finale was uncomfortable. Central Park's Wolman Rink was dressed to the nines with everything but the heat on. It was freezing. The drama that was breaking out on the screens kept us all entranced. Once PASCHAL got the shaft, the game was on. The lying and conniving between Neleh, Kathy and VEE was excellent and exactly the way this game should be played. The seasons before Marquesas became too predictable with alliances picking people off in military fashion. But this show twisted and turned right up until the final vote. We all loved it. I believe this finale was by far the best yet. Kudos to producers MARK BURNETT, JAY BEINSTOCK, JOHN FEIST and TERI KENNEDY (and the others I haven't met) who truly outplayed, outwitted and outlasted their previous efforts.

The reunion wasn't as successful, in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, I love ROSIE O'DONNELL. Though her energy was up and the hype around her made for an exciting show, I have to admit I was slightly disappointed. Free cars and gift buffs aside, she ignored several people and indirectly slammed the Africa cast, something I thought wasn't cool given that half of them were in the audience and the rest of the congregation were big fans of the show who might have enjoyed the season. She played favorites in her interviews, which left us hearing very little from Peter, Patricia, Gina, Gabe and Zoe. And she didn't offer a single question to her hometown boy, the General.

At the after-party, I fought my way through the brick-wall crowd in search of the new millionaire. I eventually gave up. I mean, why would the winner want to talk to me? But just as I had decided to spend my evening in the corner chatting with JERRI, I hear the scream. "Where's Jeff Varner?" Then Vee tackled me with the best hug of the night, and we had a wonderful talk. I thought Kathy should've won, but in the end, the money went to a deserving player.

All in all, it has been a fantastic weekend. So fantastic, in fact, that I'm having one tough time penning this column. I'm a zombie from lack of sleep and too much everything else! I need about a week to recover. The fevered pitch of the last three days brings an end to "Survival Instinct: Marquesas". I've enjoyed writing and am grateful for all the readers and support. There are thousands of you. You've made this Survivor Central section of ET Online very popular. I, for one, appreciate the time you take to stop by. Thank you to Linda Bell Blue, Bradly Bessey, Leonard Washington, David Baron, Jeannie Assimos and Laurie Berger for making this one of my most enjoyable post-"Survivor" projects. I hope you'll have me back for the Thai dish! From what the grapevine tells me, it's another cast and location we'll not soon forget.

« Last Edit: May 24^th, 2002, 9:40am by Rhune »

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