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Topic: My cheerleading life dilemna (Read 723 times)

Gabby
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My cheerleading life dilemna
« on: Jun 21^st, 2002, 2:36pm »

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Before I was Gabby (and tcroom), I lead a very active role in the MI world of competitive cheerleading. I was one of the "inner circle" of power: I wrote rules, I sat on every important committee, I had the ear of the director of girls sports at the High School Athletic Association, you name it. I was (and am still) well respected in that community.

In 2000, there was a huge fall-out between two factions and I took a very strong stand. "My" group let me be their voice and trusted that the director of MHSAA would side with me (and us). She didn't. The whole thing got ugly and I decided to leave. I finished my terms at the end of the season and "walked away." My best friends stayed to fight-the-fight, but I'd had enough. At the time I said I was taking off a year and would re-evaluate. Things went to hell-in-a-handbasket near the end of last season, but "my side" won the war. Many people expect me to "come back." I enjoyed being drama-free last season (and sunk my teeth into the somewhat safe world of Survivor instead!). I've told many people that I wouldn't come back until I recieved some sort of apology from the MHSAA director (who has admitted she was wrong and apologized to me through numerous people, but not directly to me).

Well -- today a letter comes from her. It's addressed to that "inner-circle" of people with my name smack in the middle. She's asking me (and others) to write a new training manual for judges. The letter is written to all of us and comes as a complete surprise to me! This is coming WAY out of LEFT field -- she hasn't spoken to me in 2 years!

SO -- my dilemna. Should I email her "thanks but no thanks, I quit and I meant it." or should I just submit my chapter (I know I'll do an awesome job) or should I call her and say "what's up with this?" Undecided

Thanks for letting me get this out -- I know you all have NO idea what I'm talking about...but it helps to post it anyway!

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This too shall pass.

crypto
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Re: My cheerleading life dilemna
« Reply #1 on: Jun 21^st, 2002, 2:49pm »

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Gabby,

It sounds like to me that you indeed did leave by the terms of your "contract" and that you we're well respected as a judge, or the director never would have send the letter asking for your two cents. I think by responding with a written set of rules, your opening yourself up to being viewed as an "active" judge again and the director will start to call on you for everything. If you truly do not wish to judge any longer, then I would politely respond to the director and state simply that you no longer are in the judging arena. As for the directors lack of apology, I wouldn't mention it to her and handle yourself as professional as possible. If you decide to politely decline the offer, she will get the hint. As my mother always said, two wrongs don't make a right.

Off the beaten path: This sounds like it was really fun. How did you get to become a judge?

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Rhune
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Re: My cheerleading life dilemna
« Reply #2 on: Jun 21^st, 2002, 2:55pm »

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Oh I'm way too confrontational as a person.. I'd either call up and it would end ugly, or I'd send the thanks but no thanks letter.. I'd never quietly give in and let them (as I would see it) take advantage of me and expect me to write a chapter after treating me like that and not being an adult and apologizing to my face.

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Gabby
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Re: My cheerleading life dilemna
« Reply #3 on: Jun 21^st, 2002, 3:09pm »

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on Jun 21^st, 2002, 2:49pm, crypto wrote:

Off the beaten path: This sounds like it was really fun. How did you get to become a judge?

In MI, Competitive Cheerleading is a full-fledged sport (just like football or volleyball). I coached for several years, and had a pretty good team. My friends had AWESOME teams. The joke is that I'm the only one who never won a State Championship, but they love me anyway. When I became a mom (or when I was planning to) I knew that I couldn't give the 30-40 hours a week to coaching. Something had to give and it wasn't going to be my kids-to-be. I wanted to stay involved and became a judge. I just have a knack for judging and especially for training judges -- it's the teacher in me. It didn't take long for me to earn a reputation as the best judges' trainer. I think I'm very fair (and tough on my friends and enemies equally) and that has never come into question...

Do I miss it? Sometimes. It's a power-thing for sure. An ego thing, too. I don't miss the politics (although I'm still "in" since my friends are) that rival figure skating at times! My husband was happy when I stopped, but he always knew it wouldn't be forever. I thought I'd give it a few years...

Thanks for your advice. I'm sitting on my letter until my cheer friends start returning my calls and until 129 (my voice of reason) comes home!

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east
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Re: My cheerleading life dilemna
« Reply #4 on: Jun 21^st, 2002, 11:08pm »

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for all the posts....i agree with crypto though. i also do not think that you will get the apology that you deserve. your saying yes might open you up to more commitments. while you would do a great job (and i have no doubt about this), do you really have the time right now?

Angry

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Kramer
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Re: My cheerleading life dilemna
« Reply #5 on: Jun 23^rd, 2002, 6:45pm »

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Hi Gabby,

Hmmm.... well, this is a tough call. Personally, I think you should do whatever makes you the happiest. If you need or desire the limelight of being a judge or participating in judging cheerleading, then don't allow a disagreement to stop you. If you feel that you deserve an apology, stand up for yourself and ask for one, however, be prepared never to receive one and be prepared to make a choice if that doesn't work out the way that you hope.

If you have been happier enjoying the break and "no-stress" of having to judge, then don't have any regrets over not getting back into it. It sounds like you still have your "ear to the pavement" and are able to participate vicariously through your cheerleading friends.

It sounds as if you try to "just contribute a single chapter" they will try to suck you back in again, so if all you wish to do is make a periodic contribution, you should contact the director and let your intentions be well known.

I am sure that your friends will have appropriate suggestions, as this is obviously a group of personalities that they will be very familiar with, but my single piece of advice is: don't sell yourself short, don't compromise your ethics or standards, and above all, be happy.

Kramer

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Roo94
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Re: My cheerleading life dilemna
« Reply #6 on: Jun 25^th, 2002, 8:02am »

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Gabby

I think you need to do some soulsearching and determine just what it is you want to do. If you want to get back into judging, I would consider doing the chapter - but not without first contacting this woman and hashing out your differences. It doesn't need to be confrontational - more of a discussion of how you felt about the whole incident and that things are going to have to be different if you decide to come back.

If you decide that you don't want to get sucked back in, send a thanks but no thanks letter. Get your dig in by saying that your decision to quit was final based on the fact that you didn't like the way things were being handled.

BTW, one of the television news shows (20/20 or something) just had a whole episode about a cheering sqaud and the selection process to get on the squad. Evidently they were one of the best teams in the country. Very interesting - much different then the cheerleaders at my high school!

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Gabby
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Re: My cheerleading life dilemna
« Reply #7 on: Jun 25^th, 2002, 8:33am »

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Thanks everyone for your advice...I'm still being a weenie about the whole thing. I'm leaning towards a "Thank you for considering me as a chapter author, but as you know, I've chosen to disassociate myself from all MHSAA committees until there is a resolution to the WO issue" email.

Cheerleading is a big deal to the people who are in it. There's a ton of money involved -- which is part of the reason it is so political. I was hauling in a lot of $ at the peak of my involvement and I was a peon compared to some people. Since it's a sport, the selection process here is not like the all-star teams in the South (or even the High School teams) -- coach picks -- just like on the basketball team.

I have my monthly Girl's-night-out with my cheerleading friends tonight. I'm sure they'll have a lot to say!

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