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Topic: Sigh. I was bad today. (Read 1398 times)

Addams
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Sigh. I was bad today.
« on: Aug 5^th, 2002, 11:05pm »

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WARNING: THIS IS A BIT OF A RANT

I let my Mother in Law get to me. I had sworn I wasn't going to do that. But she just keeps testing me and finally I blew a fuse. I didn't shout or anything. I was painfully polite but I refused to speak with her for the last two hours of our visit and immediately was seen packing up the car. When it came time to leave I sat like an angry child in the car until I could get Wednesday into her car seat after she had her goodbyes. I then waved goodbye from the car and pledged to my husband that I would never be coming to his mother's house again. Sigh. I was not the image of self control or maturity that I wish I could have been.

She drives me crazy! :yikes:

:furious2:

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Roo94
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #1 on: Aug 6^th, 2002, 7:05am »

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addams

It happens to the best of us. We know we're adults but every once in a while we need to regress back and throw a tantrum. It proves you are human!

Sorry you had a bad visit with MIL. They can be a real PITA. Was gomez supportive of you? Does MIL have an idea what she did that made you so angry? Any hope that this will blow over?

You did the right thing in not just walking out on the spot (which I'm sure you were tempted to do.) Wednesday got to finish up her visit and say her goodbyes. No matter what goes on between the adults, its good to keep the little ones separate from it.

Hang in there!

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Kramer
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #2 on: Aug 6^th, 2002, 7:30am »

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addams, I have one of "those" MIL's. I call her my "monster-in-law" because at least it makes me laugh.

Have you ever watched the sitcom Everyone Loves Raymond. Raymonds family are my inlaws and his mother is my monster in law.

I sit and watch that show and laugh and laugh and laugh, it makes me feel so much better.

I hope you can just let her roll off your back and maybe next time, your hubby can take the kids to visit the monster alone.

Big hugs to you,
Kramer

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Addams
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #3 on: Aug 6^th, 2002, 7:53am »

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Thanks Roo and Kramer. I love the "monster in law" line. I will keep that in mind and I will try to find that TV show Everyone Loves Raymond. I have not seen it before but sounds like I might enjoy it!

I try very hard not to put Wednesday in the middle.

Unfortunately Gomez refuses to speak to his mother about how she treats me. I have asked several times and of course that is part of the problem. I don't see this blowing over in the near future. I do see gomez and Wednesday going to visit Grandmama on their own.

Sigh - These things really upset me. I feel so out of control of the situation and that it is all so unfair.

No use pouting over it though. Thanks everyone for your supportive words.

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LibertyBelle
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #4 on: Aug 6^th, 2002, 8:16am »

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Addams have you tried talking with her alone, just you and her, without Gomez and Wednesday there? Just tell her how you feel. Or write her a letter maybe. I get along ok with mine, but it's only because she doesn't live in the same city as us lol. It would not be good if she lived close, cause she'd be trying to run our lives. Undecided

I feel for you. It's a difficult situation cause the dratted inlaws are there to stay. :hug:

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Irishlass
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #5 on: Aug 6^th, 2002, 8:17am »

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Yes, Addams, Everyone Loves Raymond, is a must see for you. I swear my deceased MIL has been reincarnated as Raymond's mother, even my husband can see it. We laugh and laugh at that show, especially the mom.

Seriously, I know what you are going through and my heart goes out to you. Does your MIL happen to be Italian? Just wondering, mine was and so is Raymond's mom.

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Addams
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #6 on: Aug 6^th, 2002, 8:52am »

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No she is not italian. I could not speak with her privately. She is often not cogent, makes up stories and I just don't trust her.

Example, when she came to help with Wednesday after she was born I had a public health nurse come to speak with me. when the public health nurse was about to leave I found my mother in law perched on the stairs outside my room listening to everyword. She was allegedly ironing. Sigh.

edited to add the ironing board and iron are in the basement. She was just perched there specifically to eavesdrop. I was flabbergasted.
Thanks everyone. I know it will work itself out with some effort. We just hit the wall this weekend. At least I did. You are all the best.

« Last Edit: Aug 6^th, 2002, 10:29am by Addams »

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LibertyBelle
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #7 on: Aug 6^th, 2002, 9:54am »

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Yes it's hard to be rational with someone like her! Listening indeed! Geesh! :censored:

Well luv just rant about this nosey parker any time, I've got some sympathy! :tup:

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cheddar
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #8 on: Aug 6^th, 2002, 11:30am »

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How can I not respond to the Mother in Law thread! Cheesy

LOL on the ironing board being in the basement!

addams, I agree with the good advice you have already received here. I'll just add a BIG HUG from me.
I'm like Belle as I've learned to get along with mine -- but if she lived closer I know I wouldn't be saying that lol.

I remember dreaming that I was pulling her hair out of her head :bomb:

-- that was around the time we adopted our first daughter.

I hope I can be an OK kind of mother in law when it comes my time. :crossfingers:

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Rhune
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #9 on: Aug 6^th, 2002, 12:17pm »

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Wow...I'm feeling like I'm the only one in this forum with a good mother in law.

The only problems we have a cultural differences. My mother in law was a Russian mail order bride.. yes yes, I know. She turned out to be not what you would expect though. She is not some young busty trophy wife. She's about 2 years younger than my father in law, and she is the former head of the mathematics dept. at the Moscow University in Russia. My father in law placed an ad in the newspaper there and she was one of the people who responded and they just really hit it off...I like her just fine. My husband is a little uncomfortable around her at times, having grown up without a mother at all.

The only time we come to a head is over the children. She treats them like her own biological grandchildren and tends to spoil them rotten, including undermining time-outs and things like that. That and the cultural things, such as, in Russia it's not as big of a deal to have children running about loose in public unsupervised. It became an issue this last trip when we were all in a restaurant (buffet) and my toddler was done. She got up and walked around a bit with him and they were over by the exit, where there were a bunch of benches. Well, she got up and came back to the table without him, and I asked "Where is Morgan?"and she said, "I told him sit and wait." So, my cute 3 year old little boy is now sitting alone where none of us can directly see him, next to the exit door. You can imagine the panic that set in. So, there's stuff like that, that we have to deal with, trying to explain to her how it is without freaking out at her and coming across like big meanies and jerks. She means well, but it doesn't always work out that way in the practical world. Wink

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Roo94
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #10 on: Aug 6^th, 2002, 12:42pm »

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Rhune

For the most part, my MIL is pretty good - though she does have her moments (but don't we all??) For us, actually living closer to her is the key. When we lived far away, there were a lot of guilt trips about seeing us more often, lots of tears about how "short" the trips home were.

Now that we live in the same town, we don't get any of it. She has never (in the 3 years we have lived here) just stopped by without calling first. She and FIL call and ask to take my sone (he's 2) all the time so that DH and I can go out. We (and my son) have a much different relationship with her then hubby's other siblings who all live far away.

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Mags
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #11 on: Aug 6^th, 2002, 4:01pm »

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Yea addams! You did the best thing that you could..refused to speak Lips Sealed

to MIL. You did not say anything in anger, that might be thrown in your face, years from now! You did not get into a huge ugly scene in front of Wednesday! :angel:

Here's a HUGE Hug! :hug:

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east
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #12 on: Aug 7^th, 2002, 1:49am »

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addams

i may not have a "monster-in-law" but i do have a "step-monster"!

i am sending you my love and prayers. i will also pray for gomez and her :sneaky:

that they might have a convo about this.

in the meantime, :wave:

to gomez abd wednesday when they go to see her! :tup:

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Addams
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Re: Sigh. I was bad today.
« Reply #13 on: Aug 7^th, 2002, 9:46am »

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on Aug 7^th, 2002, 1:49am, eastendgirl wrote:

addams

i am sending you my love and prayers. i will also pray for gomez and her :sneaky:

that they might have a convo about this.

Eastendgirl thanks for this. going through all this and it never crossed my mind to prayer for the two of them to have a talk about all of this. What a wonderful idea. :grouphug:

for everyone and all your supportive words.

Rhune I am glad that your little guy was safe! and your MIL is a good one. There are good MIL's around. I know there are. Roo - when MIL's are closer and can be around more it's so wonderful for their children and grandchildren. My MIL lives about 2 hours away and honestly I don't think it's far enough for me. However Wednesday loves her Grandma and I want it to always be that way and I want her to know her Grandma.

Thanks again everyone.

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