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Insane 4 Survivor
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Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Dogs
« on: Apr 19th, 2005, 2:31pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist's daughter came up and gave her teacher a box.  
The teacher said, I'll bet these are flowers!” The girl replied, “How did you know?"  
 
“Just a lucky guess,” she said.  
 
Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy asked how she knew, she again said, “Just a lucky guess.'”  
 
Finally, a boy whose father owned a liquor store came up and gave the teacher a box, but one of the box's corners was damp from a leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine. The boy said, “No.” She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was champagne. The boy again said no.  
 
Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box.  
 
He said happily, “A puppy!”  
« Last Edit: Apr 28th, 2005, 8:47am by Insane 4 Survivor » IP Logged
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Re: Let's Laugh!
« Reply #1 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 2:32pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"  
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.  
 
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"  
 
The little boy nodded yes.  
 
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"  
 
Again the little boy nodded.  
 
"Good," said the coach, "now go over there and explain it to your mother."
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Re: Let's Laugh!
« Reply #2 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 2:35pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "He probably said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"  
 
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
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Re: Let's Laugh!
« Reply #3 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 2:36pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
These are actual excuse notes from parents to the school teachers (including original spelling) Collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University of Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston  
 
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
 
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
 
Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
 
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
 
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
 
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
 
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
 
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
 
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
 
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
 
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.
 
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
 
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
 
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
 
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
 
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
 
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
 
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
 
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a hangover.
 
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, what do you think?
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293041687 293041687     jezzieflanigan
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Re: Let's Laugh!
« Reply #4 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 2:40pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
:rofl:
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Re: Let's Laugh!
« Reply #5 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 4:22pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
I needed to come home, find this post and laugh - thank you so much for sharing these!  (I am a teacher and today I didn't find many laughing moments Embarassed)
 
but, this.... :rofl: :rofl:
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Re: Let's Laugh!
« Reply #6 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 4:30pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
The puppy one was great lol Thanks for sharing I4S  Cool  Cool  Cool
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Re: Let's Laugh!
« Reply #7 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 5:48pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze ?  
Pupil: Hot water !
 
Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ?
Pupil: All of them !  
 
Why was the head teacher worried ?  
Because there were so many rulers in the school !  
 
Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there !  
 
Teacher: If I bought a hundred current buns for a dollar, what would each bun be ?
Pupil: Stale !  
 
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !  
 
Teacher: What is "can't" short for ?
Pupil: Can not miss.  
 
Teacher: and what is "don't" short for
Pupil: Doughnut !  
 
Teacher: Can anyone tell me what the Dog Star is ?
Pupil: Lassie !  
 
Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ?
Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !
 
Teacher: Why are you standing on your head ?
Pupil: I'm just turning over things in my mind, sir !  
 
Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ?
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Re: Let's Laugh!
« Reply #8 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 5:48pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
BIOLOGY EXAM
Mr. Jacobs, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Arnold, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."
 
Miss Arnold gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Jacobs, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down red-faced.
 
Unperturbed, Mr. Jacobs called on Miss Jones and asked the same question.
 
Miss Jones, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
 
"Correct," said Mr. Jacobs. "And now, Miss Arnold, I have three things to say to you.
 
One, you have not studied your lesson.
 
Two, you have a dirty mind.
 
And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
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Re: Let's Laugh!
« Reply #9 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 5:50pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
A Visit to Zoo
Three mischievous boys went to the zoo one day for an outing, since they had the day off from school.
 
They decided to visit the elephant cage, but soon enough, they were picked up by a cop for causing a disturbance.
 
The officer hauled them off to security for questioning.
 
The supervisor in charge asked them to give their names and tell what they were doing at the elephant cage.
 
The first boy innocently said, "My name is Gary, and I was just throwing peanuts into the elephant cage."
 
The second added, "My name is Larry, and all I was doing was throwing peanuts into the elephant cage.
 
The third boy was a little shaken up and said, "Well, my name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts."
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Re: Let's Laugh!
« Reply #10 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 6:10pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
CoolThank you! CoolThank you!
 :rofl:
I laughed even harder - almost getting tears from laughing!
 
If I were not so tired I would share some real-life school stories, but these are probably much better, and I am not a good story teller.
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293041687 293041687     jezzieflanigan
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Re: Let's Laugh!
« Reply #11 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 7:32pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
on Apr 19th, 2005, 5:48pm, Insane_4_Survivor wrote:
Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there!

 
I find this the funniest! Ain't that true! :laff:
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - School
« Reply #12 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 7:49pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."
 
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
 
"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.  
 
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
 
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:
 
1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.  
 
2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.  
 
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - School
« Reply #13 on: Apr 19th, 2005, 11:32pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Those are all great  Cool  Cool  Cool Thanks for sharing
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #14 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 8:35am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Smiley  Questions and Answers for New Parents  Smiley
 
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
 
Q. I'm modest.  Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?
A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, oderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.
 
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.
 
Q. What is colic?
A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.
 
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
 
Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.
 
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #15 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 8:36am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Smiley  Advice from Some Wise Children  Smiley
 
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10
 
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
- Michael, 14
 
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14
 
Stay away from prunes.
- Randy, 9
 
Never pee on an electric fence.
- Robert, 13
 
Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Noronha, 13
 
Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Emily, 10
 
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11
 
Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
- Traci, 14
 
Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers.
- Mitchell, 12
 
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Andrew, 9
 
Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9
 
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9
 
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- Kellie, 11
 
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
- Naomi, 15
 
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
- Lauren, 9
 
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10
 
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
- Alyesha, 13
 
Never try to baptize a cat.
- Eileen, 8
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #16 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 8:36am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Smiley  Jokes for Mommies  Smiley
 
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and
forget where they left them.
 
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
 
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
 
I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
 
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
 
Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobic class pulls a hamstring.
 
One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
 
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
 
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
 
The nice part about living in a small town that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
 
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
 
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
 
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
 
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
 
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
 
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?"  Clear as a bell my body said, "listen witch ... do it and die."
 
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)
 
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?  That is my idea of a perfect day.
 
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?  
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #17 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 9:16am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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« Reply #18 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 9:19am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Smiley  "Go Mom Go"  Smiley
 
I eat standing up.
I drink leftover milk with graham cracker crumbs floating in it.
I eat the crusts nobody wants.
Once upon a time I had a stomach that didn't fall to the floor.
Once I had hips that didn't serve as a baby saddle.
Once I even had breasts that weren't on call 24 hours a day -- and "will
it show milk stains" wasn't my criterion for choosing an outfit.
If you emptied out my purse, you'd find: diapers (new and used), a plastic bag of Cherrios, a leaky Tommy Tippy cup, a handful of napkins from McDonald's, a sandy pacifier, a soggy piece of bagel, a bottle of baby Tylenol and a rectal thermometer.
 
You know me.
 
I'm bleary eyed from being up all night with a teething baby and teary-eyed
from worrying about a toddler that refuses to eat. I'm damp with baby drool,
and I have oatmeal in my hair. (I think my sweater's on inside out, but hey,
at least I'm dressed.)
I can't remember the last time I had a whole night's sleep.
The only book I've read in the past 6 months is "Good Night Moon."
I never get to finish a senten....
I love my husband, but (yawn) ... zzzzzzzzzz.
Don't ask me if I've seen any good movies lately. I have, if you count the Little Mermaid, Pete Pan, and Cinderella.  
I know all the names of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by heart, AND what color each of them wears.
I say "Cowabunga, dude," when the pizza's delivered.
I used to be reasonably intelligent, pondering the deep secrets of the universe.
I spent many years in college preparing myself for the great challenges of life.
Now I find myself wondering such things as:  If Bert and Ernie aren't related, why do they sleep in the same room?  And, where are their parents?
I remember when getting together with friends meant stimulating conversation
about current events, love and the meaning of life. Now we talk for hours
about the color of the contents of our babies' diapers. Should we go from breast to bottle to cup? Skip bottles altogether? Which is better, cloth or disposable? Pacifiers or thumbs? Know any good potty-training tips?
Maybe you've seen me at church. I'm the one with my skirt on backwards, or
the entire inner-facing of my dress hanging out.  In my rush to get everybody else dressed, I often forget to check my own appearance. (Oh, I want to thank you for not laughing at my one eye made up and my other one bare. In the middle of doing my make-up, someone emptied the flour canister onto the kitchen floor and I never got around to finishing my eyes.)
I know you don't know my first name-- I don't have one anymore.  I answer to my child calling Mom, Mommy, Mama, or WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
To be honest, I don't even remember my first name -- I've stop using it myself. When speaking, I simply refer to myself as, "Mommy."  "Mommy says to stop poking the cats ears."  "Mommy's ears can't hear whining."   "Yes, Mommy's wearing her angry face."
"If you don't stop kicking Mommy, Mommy's going to lose it."  
Maybe you saw me lose it one day in the Toys R Us parking lot. With one child kicking the back of my car seat, and another one chanting "I wanna go to the park! I wanna go to the park!" I lost it. Slammed on the brakes and ran out of the car screaming, "Calgon take me away!" The kids still refer to it as "the time Mommy went cuckoo."
But I have my good days, too.
Days when we get through breakfast without Cream of Rice on the wall.
Days when the cat doesn't end up in the toilet.
Days when everyone takes a nap at the same time.
On those days I feel powerful. In control.
On those days, I can do it all.
 
I am MOMMY, hear me roar.
I can nurse a baby and cook dinner at the same time.
I can nurse a baby, read a magazine,
AND tie shoes at the same time. I can even nurse a baby,
AND talk on the phone, AND fold laundry
AND watch Oprah all at the same time.
You know who I am.
I'm a Mommy.
And I don't even need an American Express card to prove it.
 
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #19 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 9:20am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
The First Parent  
 
by Bill Cosby  
 
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids.  
 
After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."  
 
"Don't what?", Adam replied.  
 
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."  
 
"Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?"  
 
"It's over there," said God, wondering why He hadn't stopped after making the elephants.  
 
A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry.  
 
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked.  
 
"Uh huh," Adam replied.  
 
"Then why did you?"  
 
"I dunno," Adam answered.  
 
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.  
 
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story.  
 
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.  
 
If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?  
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #20 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 9:21am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
You want children?
Are You Ready for Children?
 
Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.  
 
Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)  
 
Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.  
 
Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.  
 
Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.  
 
Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.  
 
Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.  
 
Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.  
 
Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #21 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 9:22am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Parent's Dictionary of Meanings
 
DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
 
FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
 
FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.
 
GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
 
HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
 
INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
 
OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings
 
PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
 
SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.
 
STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
 
TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
 
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
 
VERBAL: able to whine in words
 
WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #22 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 9:23am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children:  
 
Feeling the Baby Move
 
First Child: I placed my hand on my wive's tummy every chance I could for two months waiting for that first time when I could feel the baby move. Hours upon hours I waited until that magic moment when, I felt this little movement. We called all of our relatives to tell them about the blessed experience.
 
Second Child: When it first happened, my wife called me at the office. I quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We included the experience in all of our letter to our family.
 
Third Child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I would check it our during the next commercial break. I missed out because her mother called on the telephone so I went on watching Monday night football. By the end of the third quarter, I finally felt the baby move.
 
Fourth Child: We were in bed and I was trying to sleep. I turned to her and said "Cant you make your tummy stay still? I'm trying to sleep." When it became clear that the baby would be jumping around for a while, we called the pizza man for a delivery.
 
The Trip to the Hospital
 
First Child: Every time we felt the slightest B&H contraction, we rushed to the hospital. I would carry my wife to the car and lay her down in the back seat surrounded by pillows.
 
Second Child: We timed the contractions. By the time she had three in thirty minutes, we rushed to the hospital. She sat in the front seat, with it leaned back and a pillow behind her head and another at her feet.
 
Third Child: I came home from the office as soon as she started having regular contractions. When they were five minutes apart and hard, we went to the hospital. I gave her a pillow to hold along the way.
 
Fourth Child: When she called me at the office and told me that she was having contractions hard and five minutes apart, I told her to drive to the hospital. I would meet her there as soon as I finished the set of correspondence I was working on. I reminded her not to forget the pillows.
 
The First Step
 
First Child: My wife grabbed the camera. I grabbed the Video Camera. My wife took four rolls of film. We immediately ran out to the one-hour developing place and had all four rolls developed with double prints. We had the best picture blown up to 24" X 36" and framed. We hung it up in the entry hall. I had a professional studio turn the four hours of video I taped into a one-hour documentary complete with voice-over by a local anchor-man.
 
Second Child: We took one roll of film and five minutes worth of video. The next day we took the film and had it developed by a twenty-four hour developing center. I took the best picture and put it into my wallet.
 
Third Child: We couldn't find the video-camera and we only had five shots left on the roll of film. We took all five shots but I don't remember if we ever got the roll developed.
 
Fourth Child: I quickly got up and grabbed the camera. I placed it up high so the child wouldn't grab it.
 
The First Time the Child Fell and Got a Cut
 
First Child: My wife and I frantically ran over to the child. We swept him up and rushed him to the emergency room. No stitches were needed but we spent the night with him in his room just in case the bleeding started again.
 
Second Child: We walked over to her, picked her up and quickly bandaged her up. We spent the next two hours rocking her in the living room to comfort the pain.
 
Third Child: I told my wife that if he was still crying in a couple of minutes, we should go over and make sure he isn't hurt too badly. When he didn't stop crying, we bandaged up the cut and laid him in his bed for a while but we went on about our business.
 
Fourth Child: Put a bandage on the cut and told him it'd get better after he stopped crying.
 
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #23 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 11:12am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Evolution of Mom
The Evolution of Mom  
 
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:  
 
Your Clothes -  
 
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.  
 
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.  
 
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.  
 
The Baby's Name -  
 
1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.  
 
2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.  
 
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!  
 
Preparing for the Birth -  
 
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.  
 
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.  
 
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.  
 
The Layette -  
 
1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.  
 
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.  
 
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?  
 
Worries -  
 
1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.  
 
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.  
 
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.  
 
Activities -  
 
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.  
 
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.  
 
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.  
 
Going Out -  
 
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.  
 
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.  
 
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.  
 
At Home -  
 
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.  
 
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.  
 
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.  
 
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #24 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 11:15am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
A Mother's Dictionary
=======================================
amnesia:
   A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to
   have sex again.
 
bottle feeding:
   An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2AM, too.
defense:
   What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de
   children play outside.
 
drooling:
   How teething babies wash their chins.
 
dumbwaiter:
   One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
 
family planning:
   The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep
   you on the edge of financial disaster.
 
feedback:
   The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the
   strained carrots.
 
full name:
   What you call your child when you're mad at him.
 
grandparents:
   The people who think your children are wonderful even though
   they're sure you're not raising them right.
 
hearsay:
   What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
 
impregnable:
   A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
 
independent:
   How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we
   say.
 
look out!:
   What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream
   it.
 
prenatal:
   When your life was still somewhat your own.
 
prepared childbirth:
   A contradiction in terms.
 
puddle:
   A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry
   shoes into it.
 
show off:
   A child who is more talented than yours.
 
sterilize:
   What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to
   your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
 
storeroom:
   The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that
   children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
 
temper tantrums:
   What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
 
top bunk:
   Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
 
two-minute warning:
   When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those
   familiar grunting noises.
 
verbal: Able to whine in words
 
weaker sex:
   The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
 
whodunit:
   None of the kids that live in your house.
 
whoops:
   An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #25 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 12:07pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
:tup:    :laff:
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #26 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 1:12pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
 
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.
Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
 
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
 
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
 
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
 
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
 
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
 
ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your nursing home one day.
 
AND FINALLY:
 
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #27 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 1:12pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Should kids witness a birth? A true story:  
 
It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child was home alone with her 3-year old daughter Katelyn. When Heidi started going into labor, she called "911."  
 
Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked.  
 
Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.  
 
The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.  
 
Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again!"
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - New Parents
« Reply #28 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 7:00pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Advice from some wise children....
every one a pearl!   :daisy:
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Housework
« Reply #29 on: Apr 21st, 2005, 9:45am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Catherine, pregnant with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it," Catherine confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."  
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Housework
« Reply #30 on: Apr 21st, 2005, 9:45am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
EFFICIENCY EXPERT.
 
"The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "Youdon''t want to try these techniques at home.".
 
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience..
 
"I watched my wife''s routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained.
 
"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets,often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ''Hon, why don''tyou try carrying several things at once?''".
 
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked..
 
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to makebreakfast. Now I do it in seven."  
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Housework
« Reply #31 on: Apr 21st, 2005, 9:46am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Tomorrow I will do the housework, NO EXCUSES!!! (unless they're good ones)
 
1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
 
2. If it walks out of your refrigerator, let it go!
 
3. The best mini-vac for an after meal clean up is the dog.
 
4. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
 
5. Never make fried chicken in the nude.
 
6. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
 
7. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
 
8. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.
 
9. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
 
10. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
 
11. Simplify... hire a maid.
 
12: My second favourite household chore is ironing. My first being Hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
 
13. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
 
14. I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
 
15. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
 
16. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.
 
17. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Housework
« Reply #32 on: Apr 21st, 2005, 9:47am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
MY PHILOSOPHY OF HOUSECLEANING!  
I don't do windows because ...
I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean  
window and get hurt.
 
I don't wax floors because ...
I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves,  
I'll feel terrible and they may sue me.
 
I don't mind the dust bunnies because ..
They are very good company, I have named most of them,  
and they agree with everything I say.  
 
I don't disturb cobwebs because ...
I want every creature to have a home of their own.  
 
I don't Spring Clean because ..
I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.  
 
I don't pull weeds in the garden because ...
I don't want to get in God's way, he is an excellent designer.  
 
I don't put things away because ..
My husband will never be able to find them again.  
 
I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ...
I don't want my guests to stress out over what to  
make when they invite me over for dinner.  
 
I don't iron because ...
I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".  
 
I don't stress much on anything because ...
"A Type" personalities die young
and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled  
up ol' woman!!!!
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Housework
« Reply #33 on: Apr 21st, 2005, 9:48am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
What is a man's idea of doing housework?  
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Housework
« Reply #34 on: Apr 21st, 2005, 4:06pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
LAUNDRY STAIN REMOVAL GUIDE
Here's a handy guide to getting out those pesky fabric stains:  
 
Blood - Spill more blood around area of stain so it won't stand out as much.  
 
Ink - Fall to knees and plead, "Why, God, why? Why dost thou test me so?"  
 
Grass - Write the name of your liquid detergent on stain. Wash. Hold up to camera, and show off the unbelievable results.  
 
Mud - Place large iron-on NASCAR patch over stain. Apply heat for 60 seconds.  
 
Tomato Sauce - Take out the mook responsible for your tomato-sauce stain by executing him gangland-style in the back of the head. Capeche?  
 
Coffee - Rub cream and sugar into stain. Apply oral suction. Enjoy rich, robust coffee-stain flavor.  
 
Wine - Apply mixture of 1/2 rum and 1/2 Coke to self until you no longer care about some little freaking stain.  
 
Chewing Gum - Using permanent marker, draw dotted line around stain. Cut carefully on dotted line.  
 
Nail Polish - Nail-polish stains are actually quite lovely. Why not leave them in for a pleasing "homecrafted" look?  
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Housework
« Reply #35 on: Apr 21st, 2005, 4:07pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
30 MINUTES TO A CLEANER HOUSE
You're getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess. WHAT WILL YOU DO? Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first session of Housekeeping Tips for Regular People. If you're a Martha Stewart type of housekeeper, this column is NOT for you. However, for the rest of you, this is your chance to learn 15 Secret Shortcuts to Good Housekeeping that your mother never told you.  
 
SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS
If a room clearly can't be whipped into shape in 30 days--much less 30 minutes--employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that the door is intentionally locked.  
 
CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom.  
 
Time: 2 seconds  
 
SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE
No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it's a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss.  
 
Time: 2-3 minutes  
 
SECRET TIP 3: OVENS
If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they're a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company's coming.  
 
Time: 2 minutes  
 
SECRET TIP 4: CLOTHES DRYERS
Like Secret Tip 3, except bigger. CAUTION: Avoid hiding flammable objects here.  
 
Time: 2.5 minutes  
 
SECRET TIP 5: WASHING MACHINES & FREEZERS
Like Secret Tip 4, except even bigger.  
 
Time: 3 minutes  
 
SECRET TIP 6: DUST RUFFLES
No bed should be without one. Devotees of Martha Stewart believe dust ruffles exist to keep dust out from under a bed or to help coordinate the colorful look of a bedroom. The rest of us know a dust ruffle's highest and best use is to hide whatever you've managed to shove under the bed. (Refer to Secret Tips 3, 4, 5.)  
 
Time: 4 minutes  
 
SECRET TIP 7: DUSTING
The 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House method says: Never dust under what you can dust around.  
 
Time: 3 minutes  
 
SECRET TIP 8: DISHES
Don't use them. Use plastic or paper and you won't have to.  
 
Time: 1 minute  
 
SECRET TIP 9: CLOTHES WASHING (EEWWW)
This secret tip is brought to you by an inventive teenager. When this teen's mother went on a housekeeping strike for a month, the teen discovered you can extend the life of your underwear by two ...if you turn it wrong side out and, yes, rerun it.  
 
CAUTION: This tip is recommended only for teens and those who don't care if they get in a car wreck.  
 
Time: 3 seconds  
 
SECRET TIP 10: IRONING
If an article of clothing doesn't require a full press and your hair does, a curling iron is the answer. In between curling your hair, use the hot wand to iron minor wrinkles out of your clothes. Yes, it really does work, or so I'm told, by other disciples of the 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House philosophy.  
 
Time: 5 minutes (including curling your hair)  
 
SECRET TIP 11: VACUUMING
Stick to the middle of the room, which is the only place people look. Don't bother vacuuming under furniture. It takes way too long and no one looks there anyway.  
 
Time: 5 minutes, entire house; 2 minutes, living room only  
 
SECRET TIP 12: LIGHTING
The key here is low, low, and lower. It's not only romantic, but bad lighting can hide a multitude of dirt.  
 
Time: 10 seconds  
 
SECRET TIP 13: BED MAKING
Get an old-fashioned waterbed. No one can tell if those things are made up or not, saving you, oh, hundreds of seconds over the course of a lifetime.  
 
Time: 0  
 
SECRET TIP 14: SHOWERS, TOILETS, AND SINKS
Forget one and two. Concentrate on three.  
 
Time: 1 minute  
 
SECRET TIP 15:
If you already knew at least 10 of these tips, don't even think about inviting a Martha Stewart type to your home  
 
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Housework
« Reply #36 on: Apr 21st, 2005, 5:29pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Housework
« Reply #37 on: Apr 21st, 2005, 5:57pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Dang, I4S.....you should have written this three days ago.  I've been cleaning for 3 days because a picky relative is coming for a visit.   #1 is still good.  I'm gonna close the door to the sewing/ironing room.  It stays a mess.
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Housework
« Reply #38 on: Apr 22nd, 2005, 12:10am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Ok, it's not related to today's subject, but I had a huge laugh at this and had to share.  Saw this on another site:
 
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Housework
« Reply #39 on: Apr 22nd, 2005, 3:32am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
on Apr 21st, 2005, 4:07pm, Insane_4_Survivor wrote:
SECRET TIP 9: CLOTHES WASHING (EEWWW)
This secret tip is brought to you by an inventive teenager. When this teen's mother went on a housekeeping strike for a month, the teen discovered you can extend the life of your underwear by two ...if you turn it wrong side out and, yes, rerun it.  
 
CAUTION: This tip is recommended only for teens and those who don't care if they get in a car wreck.  
 
Time: 3 seconds  

 
This is what we call.. Side B.... hail from the sides of a casette tape.. after using Side A, go to side B... hehehe....  Ewww!!!!!  :rofl:
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Golf
« Reply #40 on: Apr 22nd, 2005, 10:03am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
I thought I'd have a topic for the guys today!
 
 
There was a foursome of ladies about to play a par three, 165 yards long. Suddenly, out from the trees beside the fairway .. a streaker ran across the open expanse of the fairway. In a gasp, one lady remarked "I think I know that guy .. isn't that Dick Green?" "No" replied another, "I think it's a reflection of the grass!"
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Golf
« Reply #41 on: Apr 22nd, 2005, 10:03am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf & enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, "I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." The caddy looks back at him and says, "I don't think you could keep your head down that long."
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Golf
« Reply #42 on: Apr 22nd, 2005, 10:04am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
The laws of golf
 
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
 
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
 
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
 
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
 
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
 
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
 
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
 
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
 
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
 
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
 
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
 
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
 
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
 
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).
 
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
 
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
 
LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
 
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
 
LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
 
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Golf
« Reply #43 on: Apr 22nd, 2005, 10:04am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Religious battle golf
 
 
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.  
 
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.  
 
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.  
 
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"  
 
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Golf
« Reply #44 on: Apr 22nd, 2005, 10:05am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
I did all of that?
 
 
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"  
 
"Yes," the golfer responded.  
 
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"  
 
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.  
 
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"  
 
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...  
 
"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Golf
« Reply #45 on: Apr 22nd, 2005, 10:05am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Golfing with an older man
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.  
 
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.  
 
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."  
 
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.  
 
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Golf
« Reply #46 on: Apr 22nd, 2005, 10:52am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  
 
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!  
 
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!  
 
Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?  
 
George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.  
 
The group was silent for a moment.  
 
Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.  
 
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.  
 
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Cats
« Reply #47 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 8:14am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Baking Cookies With Your Cat
1. Look in cookbook for cookie recipe.  
2. Get cup of coffee.
3. Get cat off of cookbook.  
4. Find that special recipe.
5. Get cat's nose out of coffee mug.  
6. Go to fridge and get eggs.
7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard.  
8. Break eggs in small bowl.
9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl.  
10. Answer the phone.
11. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.  
12. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.  
13. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.  
14. Throw flour out and get more.
15. Preheat oven for cookies.  
16. Looking at cat & wanting to bake cat now. Cat runs for cover into bathroom.  
17. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.  
18. Big crash in bathroom; run to see what happened.  
19. Cat has toilet paper all over floor; stuff spilled and knocked over on top of bathroom counter.  
20. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.  
21. You can sense cat is angry.  
22. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.  
23. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.  
24. Cleanup bathroom.  
25. Hear a thump in kitchen ... Oh Gosh ... now what?  
26. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen.  
27. Try to pick out cat hairs from flour.  
28. Step on cat's tail and get bitten.    
29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies.  
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Cats
« Reply #48 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 8:15am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
How to Give your Cat a Pill
1. Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.
2. With right hand, position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. (be patient) As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.  
3. Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.  
4. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat. Bring it back into the kitchen. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. Drop pill into mouth.  
5. Pry claws from back legs out of your arm. Go get the cat, pick up half-dissolved pill from floor and drop it into garbage can.  
6. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of closet. Call spouse from backyard. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.  
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take another pill from foil wrap.  
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour one cup of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Get last pill from bottle. Go into bathroom and get a fluffy towel. Stay in the bathroom with the cat, and close the door.  
16. Sit on bathroom floor, wrap towel around kitty, leaving only his head exposed. Cradle kitty in the crook of your arm, and pick up pill off of counter.  
17. Retrieve cat from top of shower door (you didn't know that cats can jump 5 feet straight up in the air, did you?), and wrap towel around it a little tighter, making sure its paws can't come out this time. With fingers at either side of its jaw, pry it open and pop pill into mouth. Quickly close mouth (his, not yours).  
18. Sit on floor with cat in your lap, stroking it under the chin and talking gently to it for at least a half hour, while the pill dissolves.  
19. Unwrap towel, open bathroom door. Wash off scratches in warm soapy water, comb your hair, and go find something to occupy your time for 7-1/2 hours.  
20. Arrange for SPCA to get cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.  
 
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Cats
« Reply #49 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 8:15am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Signs that your cat has you email password…
 
 E-Mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."  
 
 Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.  
 
 You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like  alt.recreational.catnip.
 
 Your web browser has a new home page <http://www.feline.com>.  
 
 Your mouse has teeth marks in it... and a strange aroma of tuna.  
 
 Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of  "CyberDog."  
 
 Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.  
 
 You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and  WarCat II.  
 
 On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.  
 
 Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.  
 
« Last Edit: Apr 25th, 2005, 8:17am by Insane 4 Survivor » IP Logged
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Cats
« Reply #50 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 8:16am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
THINGS YOU CAN LEARN FROM YOUR CAT
 
 Make the world your playground.
 
 Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging  
 a sock over it helps.
 
 If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard  
 until you do.  
 
 When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you  
 just to shut you up.
 
 Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.  
 
 Nap often.  
 
 When in trouble, just purr and look cute.  
 
 Life is hard, and then you nap.  
 
 Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few  
 hours.
 
 When in doubt, cop an attitude.  
 
 Variety is the spice of Life. One day, ignore people;  
 the next day, annoy them.  
 
 Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains  
 are there.  
 
 Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each
 corner.
 
 Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the
 bed tells them, "I care."
 
 When you have something important to say, try to say  
 it in the dead of night when you're SURE everyone's  
 sleeping. There's no better way to get the attention  
 you deserve.  
« Last Edit: Apr 25th, 2005, 8:16am by Insane 4 Survivor » IP Logged
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Cats
« Reply #51 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 9:15am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Love all the cat ones.   Cool
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Cats
« Reply #52 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 9:30am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
I kinda figured that you would LL!  Grin
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Cats
« Reply #53 on: Apr 25th, 2005, 2:20pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
:clapping:     :laugh:  :cat:
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Hospitals/Drs.
« Reply #54 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 9:41am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
How to Prepare for the Hospital  
Now, going to the hospital is never a fun to begin with,
but with these tips you should be able to prepare for your
stay, and minimize the discomfort when you get there.
 
1. Lay nude on the front lawn and ask the weed man to probe
you with his applicator.
 
2. Drink a quart of Sherwin-Williams Eggshell One-Coat Coverage
Interior Flat White #2. Then have your child stuff his slinky
down your throat.
 
3. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on your front yard
and lie on your bed dressed in a paper napkin with straws stuck up your nose.
 
4. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while practicing your smile and repeating: "mild discomfort".
 
5. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten PM to seven AM, at which times you will alternately puncture your wrist with a Craftsman (squarehead) screwdriver and stab yourself with a knitting needle.
 
6. Remove all actual food from the house.
 
7. With several strands of Christmas lights strung from a coat tree and onto yourself, walk slowly up and down the hall.
 
8. Urinate into an empty lipstick tube.
 
9. Rub a bit of honey on your left buttock, drop your pants, go over to a wasps nest, bend over and shake it just a bit.
 
10. Make sure that there is no toilet paper in your bathroom, eat a bowl of cherries, and have your wife ignore you completely as you plead for here to come and bring you a roll of the paper gold.
 
11.Call up your local cable company and insist that they charge you a monthly fee every day of the week.
 
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Hospitals/Drs.
« Reply #55 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 9:43am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
House Calls  
Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was
called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain.
 
The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in
and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer?"
 
A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a
hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom.
 
A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?"
 
Mr. Tuttle complied with the request.
 
In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair
of pliers, a screwdriver, and a hacksaw. The last request got to
Mr. Tuttle. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?"
 
"Not a thing," replied old doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument
bag open."
 
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Hospitals/Drs.
« Reply #56 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 9:43am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Chest Pains  
A man goes to a doctor because of chest pains he's been  
having.
 
The doctor says, "Well, there are two divergent  
opinions on how best to treat you. I'm convinced you  
need a triple bypass. Your HMO says all you need to do  
is rub this $14 tube of salve on your chest."
 
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Hospitals/Drs.
« Reply #57 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 9:45am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Answering machine at the Mental Hospital...
 
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline ...
 
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
 
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
 
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
 
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
 
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
 
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
 
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
 
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
 
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
 
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, Social Security number and your mother's maiden name.
 
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
 
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
 
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
 
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
 
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
 
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
 
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Hospitals/Drs.
« Reply #58 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 9:54am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
SIGNS YOU'RE IN A BAD HOSPITAL
 
 
 
*You go in for routine surgery, you come out with a tail.
 
*You recognize your doctor as kid who was mopping the lobby when you checked in.
 
*Instead of sponge bath, they send St. Bernard to lick you.
 
*As you're going under, your surgeon says, "Man, am I baked!"
 
*In the operating room, you see a surgeon holding a sign that says, "WILL DO SURGERY FOR FOOD!"
 
*Every couple of minutes, you hear a bugle playing Taps.
 
*All the diplomas on the wall are signed by Sally Struthers.
 
*You and your roommate have to take turns on the I.V.
 
*Through fog of anesthesia, you hear surgeon shouting, "Bring the damn Scotch tape! And plenty of it!"
 
*Instead of "patient," they use the term "plaintiff."
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Hospitals/Drs.
« Reply #59 on: Apr 26th, 2005, 11:24am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool  GOOD ONES 14S   Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Dogs
« Reply #60 on: Apr 28th, 2005, 8:47am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Ten top ways to tell if Martha Stewart is stalking your dog
10. There's potpourri hanging from his/her collar.  
9. The dog's nails have been cut with pinking shears.  
8. The dog toys are all stored in McCoy crocks.  
7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia bows.  
6. That telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl.  
5. You find liver and whole wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.  
4. Dog hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.  
3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreath adorns the front of your dog's crate.  
2. Your dog goes outside naked and comes in wearing a thyme colored virgin wool hand-knitted sweater with matching boots.  
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU KNOW THAT MARTHA STEWART IS STALKING YOUR DOG IS...  
1. The dog droppings in your backyard have been sculpted into swans
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Dogs
« Reply #61 on: Apr 28th, 2005, 8:48am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
How many dogs does it take to......
 
These are the answers from dogs when asked "How many dogs does it take to put in a light bulb?"  
 
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?  
 
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.  
 
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!  
 
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.  
 
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!  
 
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .  
 
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?  
 
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.  
 
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.  
 
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.  
 
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.  
 
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
 
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.  
 
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.  
 
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...  
 
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?  
 
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...  
 
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?  
 
« Last Edit: Apr 28th, 2005, 8:49am by Insane 4 Survivor » IP Logged
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Dogs
« Reply #62 on: Apr 28th, 2005, 8:49am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Help Wanted
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."  
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.  
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.  
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."  
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."  
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."  
The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."  
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Dogs
« Reply #63 on: Apr 28th, 2005, 8:50am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
When Good Dogs Go and Crossbreed
 
Pointer + Setter =
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet  
 
Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier =
Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries  
 
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund =
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed  
 
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso =
Peekasso, an abstract dog  
 
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel =
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle  
 
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever =
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists  
 
Newfoundland + Basset Hound =
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors  
 
Terrier + Bulldog =
Terribull, a dog prone to awful mistakes  
 
Bloodhound + Labrador =
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly  
 
Malamute + Pointer =
Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter  
anyway  
 
Collie + Malamute =
Commute, a dog that travels to work  
 
Deerhound + Terrier =
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
 
Cocker Spaniel + Rottweiller =
Cockrot, the perfect puppy for that philandering ex-husband  
 
Bull Terrier + Shitzu =
Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed  
 
 
« Last Edit: Apr 28th, 2005, 8:50am by Insane 4 Survivor » IP Logged
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Dogs
« Reply #64 on: Apr 28th, 2005, 8:51am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Dogs and Cats
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!
 
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!  
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Dogs
« Reply #65 on: Apr 28th, 2005, 8:52am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Puppy Property Laws
 
1. If I like it, it's mine.  
 
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
 
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.  
 
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.  
 
5. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.  
 
6. If I saw it first, it's mine.  
 
7. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.  
 
8. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.  
 
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.  
 
10. If it's broken, it's yours.  
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Dogs
« Reply #66 on: Apr 28th, 2005, 12:02pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Cute  :tup:
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Re: Let's Laugh! Todays Topic - Dogs
« Reply #67 on: Apr 28th, 2005, 2:24pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Grin Cool :tup: :laff: :rofl:
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